We all have comfort zones. We know what we like and what feels safe to us. As I get to know my partners I learn where the borders and edges of their comfort zones are. We go there, right to the edge. And when we have established trust and all seems right, I lead them a half-step over into the thrilling territory they didn't dare explore before - or, more commonly, that they never suspected they would find so exciting and fulfilling.
When the chemistry is just right, the sub takes an adventure tour of erotic discovery and I get the satisfaction of leading her through a succession of mind-blowing orgasms. It is no surprise that we develop real feelings for one another.
My views about D/s relationships are decidedly unconventional. "On your knees and worship me, slut!" isn't really part of my vocabulary - unless it turns out that such talk is precisely what you need to liberate you, to free you to be your truest sexual self.
Every partner I've ever had is different. In particular, my experience is that different submissive women need different things from their partners.
- Some crave the feeling of being owned.
- Some blossom under a requirement to be obedient.
- Some crave humiliation and degradation.
- Others live for the transcendent state of subspace that comes from enduring pain, which allows them to let go of externals and live for a few moments focused and calm, their true selves.
- Some need a nudge to explore exhibitionism.
- Some like to be treated as objects, as sextoys that can be used or even lent to others.
- Some enjoy orgasm control or denial.
- Some find a day of edging thrilling.
- Some are merely repressed and need a little push to restart their sexual engines.
I have experience with women of all these kinds and have found ways to indulge their needs online.
The hardest need to accommodate long-distance is the need for pain. Some women crave that feeling. They need to be spanked or flogged or slapped or whipped so they can quiet their minds and enter a state of just being, just experiencing.
A long-term partner likes it when I send her to the ladies' room at work to hike up her shirt in front of the mirror and pinch her nipples hard, twist and tug on them, until it really hurts. Her body responds to that pain with pleasure and excitement. Part of the thrill for her is that someone could walk in and catch her. Also, she finds it fulfilling to do this as an act of obedience - she finds obedience and ownership deeply satisfying. But the pain is part of it too.
Suppose being owned was something that turned you on. I might direct you to write my name across your thighs with a marker, for example, before we began online play. Or before leaving the house for work in the morning.
Or maybe I'd ask you to wear my tag for the day. I'd be happy to tell you about tags and show you some examples - just ask.
I could certainly prescribe and monitor a course of edging. I have posted several examples of that luscious practice here in this blog. Do you like the idea of being directed to masturbate just to the brink of orgasm several times throughout the day? Can you imagine how frustrated and needy you would be when you finally got home, and how amazing the release would be when you finally read my words on the screen: Cum for me now, sweet girl.
It can be pretty intense.
I once had a partner begin every day by sending me a photograph. It could be a photo of herself, a photo she had taken, or something from the Internet. It didn't matter what. Along with the photo I asked for two or three sentences explaining what I was seeing and why she had picked it. This wasn't really about the photos, of course. What I wanted was to cultivate a bit of mindfulness. I wanted her every day to begin with thoughts of pleasing me, with a small, simple task that brought me to mind and reminded her of our relationship, a little something she could do to please me and earn a "good girl" in return.
Creative partners can sustain a proper D/s relationship even though they live thousands of miles apart and have never met face-to-face. It can be remarkably satisfying, too, both emotionally and physically.
Everything that you have here Gwen, is so true about my feelings and desires, the desire to be owned and used as a sex slave gives me so much pleasure, and to be sexually punished and be forced into submission, then pleasured as a reward is one of my secret desires, that i wish to achieve.
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